Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life
by Edonil
Summary: Sometimes, the unexpected happens. And the unexpected happening is what makes up the story of Kuja's life from the point where he died.
1. Prologue

Author's Notes: Yeah, so about that last story I was working on, 'To Challenge Perfection'... Well, it's sorta dead. No, wait, it's _really_ dead. I'm going to leave it up (because I'm lazy), but if you were following it, don't expect any updates. You see, it didn't really have a plot, so instead I'm going to be working on this here story. It does have a plot.

Disclaimer: Strangely enough, most stories found on will indeed be fanfictions. This, too, is a fanfiction. That means I don't own a heck of a lot.

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Prologue**

So, I show up, and I pull off my cloak like I told Baku I was going to, and Dagger gets onto the stage within the minute. And she gives me a hug (and punches me in the process), and everybody starts clapping and cheering and stuff. You probably know all that, though. I mean, nearly everybody in Alexandria was there, right?

So anyway, Baku starts giving me the evil eye, so I bring Dagger off stage, and I grab her pendant-thingy (because she probably doesn't want to lose it after she went to so much trouble to protect it), and take her out of the auditorium. Behind me, Baku is apologizing to the crowd, saying that I just _had_ to be a Drama Queen. I'm a Drama King, I'll have you know! But anyway, I take Dagger out of the view of prying eyes.

"How did you survive?" she asks. I'm a hopeless romantic, so I tell her that it was her song that did it. Then she smiles and hugs me, and all is fine and dandy. So I ask her how she's been.

"I... It's a long story," she answers. Well, ok, I suppose that makes sense. I ask her if she wants to tell me it some time. She says it's all written down; she told it all to a scribe in the library if I'm interested. But then she looks kinda upset. I'm worried about her, so I ask her what's up.

"Nothing..."

"Yeah right!" I tell her. Really, what does she think? I just dragged myself across two continents to get to her! I've thought about this moment for a long time! And this upset-ness is not supposed to happen!

Dagger is pretty determined, which I suppose is good for a queen, but eventually I manage to pry it out of her. It's not big deal, really. She has a boyfriend. Ok. It's been nearly three years, and we were never 'together' to begin with! I mean, yeah, I was a friend, but there's been more than enough time for her to begin moving on. So of course, I told her that I was totally ok with whoever it was, and that her dating people was fine with me. I _was_ sort of dead, right?

But then, I was sort of curious. I mean, it was fine that she was with someone, but only if it were someone I approved of. And Dagger was still looking a tad uncomfortable. So I asked her who it was. And you know what she answered?

"Kuja."


	2. Chapter One

Edonil: Yay! Two chapters all in one day! Don't you feel special? So, anywho, here's the first chapter. Oh, and the rest of the story will be told in third person, so no more of Zidane's crappy grammar.

Disclaimer: I own the computer I used to type this story, and I own the ideas and ways I manipulated the characters, but I don't actually own the characters themselves.

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter One**

Kuja was dead. In the end, it was only the surging power of his trance that kept him going. The attacks of those who were later called 'heroes' knocked him unconscious. He was then left to die within the ancient tree of life. His trance faded. He died.

But his body was unharmed. Just before his death, another clone like Kuja, this one called Zidane, had come. Zidane had hoped to help Kuja. Kuja was beyond the help of any mere mortal, Angel of Life and Death or not. Kuja still died. But as the Iifa Tree collapsed around him, Zidane used his own body to shelter that of Kuja. Kuja's body was unharmed.

Moogles, friendly creatures who helped pitch tents, deliver mail, and a million other things came for Zidane's body. They were greatly surprised to find that the clone still lived, albeit barely. They took him to the dead village of Madain Sari, where they lived, and did their best to revive him. After long weeks of doctoring, Zidane was healed, and finally, months later, he was able to finally leave for his home. But that is another story.

Kuja, the moogles left behind. They had no use for a dead body. Let it rot with the remains of the dead Tree of Life. Perhaps weeds would grow, and use Kuja's remains to fertilize themselves. That way, he would be some use to the world.

Moogles are faeries. They are very intelligent. They know many things. But they do not know everything.

Unbeknownst to them, the Iifa Tree had the power to revive the dead. It took many months of direct contact to do so, but it could be done. The tree's name was no chance. It was a conduit between the lands of the living and the dead. It could channel energy, raw and unaffected by the petty spells of humans and clones, directly to anywhere it wished. Perhaps that sounds strange. How could a tree wish anything? But this tree could.

The Iifa Tree is not a plant. It does indeed look like a tree, which is why it is so named. But while the Iifa Tree contains chlorophyll, it is not a plant. It has a certain sentience to it. Perhaps it is a link between plants and animals. No one knows. No one knows anything about the Iifa Tree, except perhaps for the ancient peoples of Terra, who are said to have lived in entire forests of 'iiva'. Many scholars have suggested a link between these 'iiva' and the Iifa Tree. Only the final survivor of the Ancients of Terra could say for sure, now.

But the link between plants and animals, iiva and Iifa is not the topic of this story. This story is about Kuja, and his slow rebirth by the Iifa Tree.

After nearly a year, Kuja's heart began to beat.

Of course, it takes more than a beating heart to make one alive. Kuja's heart was beating, yes, but his mind took even more months to fully heal. But it did heal. Kuja slowly awoke from the dead. At first, he was not capable of true sentience. He could only realize his base desires. Sustenance, shelter, warmth... The Iifa Tree provided all of these. Its rotting remains provided nutrient-rich nourishment, which Kuja readily ate. Its tangled mass blocked out the elements, and kept trapped within it a good deal of warmth.

Kuja continued to heal. His brain, fuelled by the additional life power caused by directly imbibing the tree, continued to come back. Slowly, he regained his intelligence.

0o0o0

It had been several months of being awake before Kuja did anything. He liked his home. The Iifa Tree was the perfect habitat for one whose past haunted him as Kuja's did. There were no people to judge him, as there would be in the more civilized world. Outside, people would hate him. Kuja had tried to destroy their home. He had started a war. Perhaps, if things had been different, Kuja could have convinced them that he truly was sorry, and they would have perhaps forgiven him. But this was not the case. Kuja did not regret his past. To live without regret is a strange thing. Kuja realized that what he had done was wrong. He never wanted to repeat those events. But regret them? Never. They had led to this rebirth, to this new knowledge of life, death, and himself.

But Kuja was at heart a performer of sorts. He liked to be the center of attention. He liked people to notice him. He did not want to be scorned, but he was being driven slowly insane by this reclusive life. He needed to get out, to find people, to talk, to laugh, to be accepted...

Where to go? Kuja knew the answer instantly. Zidane, the one he called his brother, had come back for him once. Zidane would accept Kuja again. They were too alike for Zidane to do anything else. Zidane had come back before because of it. Zidane would accept him now.

The question now was where to find Zidane. And that question is where our story really begins.

0o0o0

_Hmm... If I were my brother, where would I be?_ Kuja pondered silently. He was seated upon his favourite decaying branch within his lush home. The midmorning sun filtered through the green growth up above, lighting his entire environment with a rich emerald glow.

_I'd definitely have gone towards people,_ Kuja decided. _Both of us would do that. That is why I want to find him. But which people? Those friends of his, no doubt. But of course, there are many of them, and they are all very different. They would not live together. So Zidane must either be with a group of them who _do_ live together, or he is with the one he cares the most about._

A breath of crisp air worked its way through the foliage, causing Kuja to shiver. _I must remember to get new clothes,_ he reminded himself. _These clothes were never terribly practical to begin with, and in their current state, they do little to keep me warm._

_But as to my brother's location... Perhaps those players that he stayed with? They lived together for many years; he could perhaps be with them now. Or perhaps he is with the Queen of Alexandria? They loved each other; they could still be together. But it is also possible that they 'fell out of love' as humans say. Yes, it is entirely possible that he is not there. So where to go..._

_Lindblum. If he is with his friends, I will know, and if he isn't, then I will find out. Also, there are less people who are likely to recognize and imprison me in Lindblum. I was not well-known there. Brahne was the criminal to them, not I. Most of them would not even know my name!_

_Lindblum, then. And after that... We shall see._


	3. Chapter Two

Edonil: I have a request for more chapters and soon? Oh, well then, I suppose I'd better write. Please keep in mind that I have exams coming up, so there might be a brief pause around late January/early February, but it should be very brief. And I'm glad to see people are intrigued with my ideas. You made me feel so special... Anyway, on with the story! I hope you all have as much fun reading it as I had writing it! (And believe me, I had a lot of fun. I have no idea why. Usually I merely enjoy writing. This chapter was just... fun.)

Disclaimer: As per usual, I (still) don't own anything.

Advertisement: triple w dot edonil dot com – It's my site! Maybe you could check it out? Please?

A Word of Advice: This chapter is much funnier if read with an upper-class British accent in mind.

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Two**

"GRARGH!"

The word 'grargh' will not be found in any dictionary. That is possibly because it not so much a word as an onomatopoeia. This means that the word 'grargh' describes a sound. This sound happens to be the sound made by a thirty-year-old feathery genome who has just been pounced upon by a mu. It is a most peculiar sound, but not one that I'd recommend you listen to, due to the thirty-year-old feathery genome's habit of blasting people with raw energy.

As you may have guessed, Kuja was being attacked by a mu at this point in our story. The battle began rather painfully for Kuja and ended rather tragically for the mu. Luckily for the mu, it did not feel any pain when it was seared the magical spell commonly known as 'flare'. Kuja, however, did feel a great deal of pain following the spell, partly because the flare spell involves an extremely bright and blinding light, and partly because the mu had attempted to gnaw his arm off.

Kuja, being an eloquent and articulate individual, would in most circumstances either say something grandiloquent or ignore the circumstance entirely. But this was not most circumstances.

"Dammit! Bloody mu..." Kuja glared at the pile of cinders at his feet. "This is just lovely! I'm going to kill something..." A songbird settled itself on a nearby tree and began to sing cheerfully. Kuja fried the bird. He was not in a very good mood, which was excusable at the moment. "That stupid bird... And that stupid mu... I want to kill something else." Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) the local fauna had chosen this moment to withdraw, so Kuja was left to sauté the floral countryside instead.

His mood under control, Kuja continued forward. He had been travelling for several weeks now, and had discovered during his expedition that he was not the 'outdoorsy' sort. He was constantly attacked by disguising cute and fluffy creatures that wanted nothing so much as to turn him into their midday meal. The weather was rather unpleasant, mostly because it was springtime and precipitation is common at that time of year.

In short, grand adventures were not grand at all. They were actually rather depressing.

_Zidane better appreciate this,_ Kuja thought to himself. _Dragging myself across a continent just so I can see him..._ Kuja conveniently forgot that Zidane was not aware of Kuja's current state of animation. _The things I do for my family..._

Kuja was attempting to cross the Outer Continent, travel through Fossil Roo, then travel across the Mist continent to Lindblum, where he would either be reunited with Zidane or learn of Zidane's whereabouts. It was a simple plan, really, but Kuja quite liked simple plans. Less chance of getting confused. Kuja had learned all about confusion when residing in his Desert Palace. It had taken two turned lamps, correcting finding and placing three stones, and four adjusted carpets just to travel from his bedroom to the bathroom! It had been most annoying. Kuja had never dwelt in a place with such a complicated floor plan since.

He was currently near Fossil Roo. Or at least, he hoped he was; Kuja had never actually been to the place before. He did not know much about it, beyond that it was a passage from his current continent of residence to his destination. It sounded like an excellent way to get to Zidane.

_Now, to find it. What does it look like? It would have to be underground, I suppose, as it would have to be beneath the ocean. Then it would be a cave? Yes, that sounds about right. Now where is it- !_

It was at this point that Kuja tripped over something, which, upon examination, proved to be a knocked-over sign reading, "Fossil Roo – Two Paces to your Right". Feeling like an idiot, Kuja stepped two paces to his right, and promptly tripped over another fallen sign, this one reading, "Your other right, you moron!" Taking four paces to his 'other right', Kuja discovered a cave.

Kuja looked inside. He considered for a moment. Then he turned around and walked away.

_I destroyed an entire planet for the Eidolons' sakes! There is no way I'm going into that damp, musty cave! I am better than this!_

Reader, you may now guess that this would create a problem. After all, Kuja was hardly about to fly from the Outer Continent to the Mist Continent, right?

Well, actually, that was precisely what he intended to do.

_Wait! I can trance! Then I'll be all red and flamey and I can fly! And I'll just fly over to Lindblum! Perfect! Now, to find some of those monsters._

There was no shortage of monsters, thankfully (although Kuja pondered for a moment that he considered finding monsters something to be _thankful_ of), and Kuja had soon maxed out his trance bar thingy, enabling him to be redder and featherier and capable of flight.

Kuja quite liked flying. There was a great view, and birds tended to be nice folk. Except for the zuu he ran into (quite literally) in the air over Burmecia. But other than that, his flight was quite nice.

Late one night (not that Lindblum ever actually gets dark, as you might have noticed), Kuja arrived in the Lindblum Theatre District.


	4. Chapter Three

Edonil: So, I could write it all at once, but that wouldn't be fun, now would it? I mean, then I'd have to take time away from my busy life, and the story wouldn't last very long... So I'll try to update this every weekend. Probably late Saturday or sometime Sunday.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Kuja yet.

Advertisement: Yay for my site! It's pretty! And it's got cool stuff! Yay!

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Three**

Lindblum once had three districts. These were the Business District, the Industrial District, and the Theatre District. (Why Lindblum needed an entire district only for Theatres has been debated for many, many years.) The Industrial District, of course, ran into a bit of trouble some time back, which Kuja was rather guilty of. The Business District and Theatre District, though, were still more or less intact.

Kuja lighted softly on the sidewalk outside of the Tantalus 'hideout'. The Tantalus hideout is an interesting building. It's very obviously there, hard to miss, and just in case you aren't sure exactly which building it is you're looking for, the members of Tantalus recently placed a sign outside their door reading "Top Secret Tantalus Hideout". Therefore, Kuja did not have much trouble finding his brother's previous whereabouts.

Yes, _previous_ whereabouts. You see, when Kuja alighted onto the walk, the members (sans Zidane) were sitting in the hideout talking. Kuja, of course, stopped to eavesdrop.

"Yeah, ok," one of them was saying. Kuja peered inside, so he could get a look at the speaker. The speaker was a strange man who appeared to have been stitched together and was wearing a belt around his eyes. The members of Tantalus are a bit... odd.

"Now, as fer you, Cinna, I need ya to get some props..." Kuja sighed. Idiots. They were discussing some fool play. They couldn't talk about anything _useful_!

"Yo Boss... I got a question," one of the idiots said. He looked a bit like a boar. Very strange people.

"Yeah, what!"

"It's about the part that... It's about the part that doesn't have an actor at the moment. We're shorthanded, Boss. We gonna hire somebody new or what?" The 'boss' looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Yeah... I guess we can post some signs, see about auditioning a new member, since... Dammit!"

So Zidane was not here. Very well. Kuja would now continue on to Alexandria. It had seemed unlikely that Zidane would be here anyway, seeing as his 'true love' was not.

Kuja had exhausted his trance, so he hurried outside of Lindblum and fought off the various local beasties until he was able to make the flight to Alexandria.

0o0o0

If you had thought that Lindblum was in terrible condition, you would have been right. Lindblum had, after all, been half-eaten by a gravity-sucking god. Such things do not often happen to cities. However, Alexandria had suffered through its share of torments, too. In this case, it was being lasered by a giant floating eyeball.

If you ever feel the need to move to a different planet, I do not recommend Gaia. If, for whatever reason, you ignore my advice, you'll probably die in some painful but creative fashion.

Kuja, however, did not have the luxury of leaving the planet (having destroyed the only other option), but then, he had been the indirect cause of most of this mayhem, so he would hopefully be alright.

Alexandria was looking much better now than it had last time Kuja had visited. Of course, his last visit had ended in the incineration of a god, but the place really was looking quite nice. The rubble had been cleaned up and the castle was almost finished rebuilding...

The distance from Lindblum to Alexandria is far less than the distance between two continents, so Kuja's trance hadn't been used up yet. Therefore, Kuja lifted himself up into the air and up to the nearest window. After thoroughly scaring some poor kitchen maid, Kuja continued upwards.

_No one... No one... Shoot, a scholar! No one... A soldier with her back turned... She really is quite hot... What's with that uniform anyway? No wonder they're so easy to beat, with that lack of clothing... Pay attention, Kuja! This is no time to oogle the hot soldier..._

_Going up... No one... No one... No- Shoot! Ok... No one... No one... No one-_

BONK!

Kuja's plan had been to continue upwards, peering into the windows, hoping for a glimpse of someone useful. This plan had not included protruding window boxes.

"What was that!" a female voice said from inside the room. That voice sounded familiar... Rubbing his wounded head, Kuja moved up a bit to see who it was.

"Beatrix!" Beatrix looked quite stunned, which was, given the circumstances, perfectly excusable. (How many times have _you_ had a dead sociopath run into your twelfth-story window box?) "Hello!" Kuja managed to get himself to float into her room. "How have you been?"

"You're _dead_!" Beatrix protested. Kuja smiled.

"No. I _was_ dead. I am currently living, however. Tell me, Beatrix, how have you been? I have not been graced with your presence in ages!" Beatrix did not seem too happy.

"You're _dead_!" Kuja decided that she must have been in shock, so he just smiled and nodded.

"Whatever you say, Beatrix. Perhaps you'd like to sit down?" Beatrix did so, still looking thoroughly out of sorts.

"Are you really here?" she asked hesitantly. Kuja nodded. "How are you here?"

"Well, it's a long story..." Kuja gave her the briefer version- that is, he told her that he had been brought back because of the Iifa Tree, and that he had tranced and flown over. "Now, could you help me? I'm looking for someone..." Beatrix nodded carefully.

"Yes... Just a moment..." Beatrix walked across the room, opened her door, stuck her head into the hall, and called, "You two! Come here a moment!" A moment later, two extremely attractive soldiers walked into the room.

"Yes, General?"

"Um... Wait a moment." Beatrix concentrated for a moment, then threw a spell at Kuja. He wasn't quite sure which one it was off-hand, but assumed that it was probably some sort of scanning spell, to check to make sure he wasn't someone else in disguise or something.

"Greetings," Kuja said to the two soldiers politely. They eyed him suspiciously.

"What shall we do, General?" one asked Beatrix.

"Seize him," she answered calmly. "And take him down to the castle prison. Make sure he's locked up tight; he's highly dangerous!" Kuja was then shocked to find that he was being seized by the two soldiers. Frowning slightly (this was not supposed to happen!) Kuja attempted to throw a mild spell at them, only to discover the true nature of Beatrix's sorcery.

"Interesting," Kuja commented lightly. "I must say, Beatrix, that magical blocking spell was quite good. I didn't even notice! Congratulations. Perhaps you should give up your fighting life and become a mage." Beatrix did not say anything. Rolling his eyes, Kuja walked along with the two soldiers to the prison.

You might have noticed that Kuja was not particularly worried. You noticed correctly. You see, Kuja knew his brother. Zidane would no doubt here about this, and come to see Kuja, and Kuja would explain the whole matter to Zidane, and everything would be hunky-dory. Everything was still (sort of) going according to plan. Theoretically.

Of course, Kuja did not have the ability to see the future. If he had, well...


	5. Chapter Four

Edonil: Hello! I don't have much to say right now, so moving on...

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it, it's still fanfiction.

Advertisement: Like in every other chapter, yay for my website!

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Four**

Kuja had once been an Angel of Death. He had waged bloody war on several cities. He had brutally massacred countless innocents. He had destroyed one planet and nearly finished off another.

At the moment, however, he was forced to sit, shivering, in a none-too-pleasant cell beneath Alexandria Castle.

Kuja had been sitting there for perhaps ten minutes, with nought but his guards for company, before anyone deigned to look at him. Luckily for Kuja, that someone just so happened to be Her Royal Majesty, Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII (accompanied by General Beatrix, of course).

Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII looked perplexed. No doubt she had not expected to ever see Kuja again. Kuja might have felt insulted, but under the circumstances, hers was a reasonable reaction.

"So... You say he just popped into your window, Beatrix?" Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII asked. Beatrix nodded.

"Yes, Your Majesty. It was most... peculiar."

"That is... understandable." Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII turned to Kuja. "Kuja!"

"Yes, Your Royal Majesty?" Politeness was probably a very good idea right about now.

"What are you doing here? How did you survive!" Kuja smiled his most winning smile. Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII stepped back.

"I was searching for my brother, Zidane Tribal," Kuja explained pleasantly. "I'm afraid I'm not too sure of his whereabouts... As to your other question, technically I didn't survive. However, because I died in the Iifa Tree, I was brought back by its powers." Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII looked like she didn't quite know what to say. Beatrix, luckily, was used to unusual things happening, so was not so shocked as to be incapable of speech.

"Zidane isn't here," she informed him. "Why are you _really_ here?"

"He isn't? Hmm... I really did come to see him. Is it possible for me to bargain with you to let me out, so I can reach him? Do you know where he is?" Beatrix glared.

"We assumed he was _dead_. No one has seen any sign of him for nearly two years."

Oh. Well, then.

"Then is it possible I could bargain with you to let me out to continue my search?"

"No." Ah, well, it was worth a try.

Now, what to do? Zidane probably was dead, seeing as he probably would have raced this way the first chance he got. But now what? Kuja hadn't ever considered the possibility that his brother had _died_. His plan had been to find Zidane, get into Zidane's good graces, and mooch off Zidane for the rest of his life. It was really quite a good plan, but it did have one flaw...

Or did it? If Kuja could find someone else to mooch off of for the rest of his life... Yes, that would have to be it. Kuja would just replace Zidane in his plan, and carry on. But who?

The possibilities: Beatrix, Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII, a soldier, one of Zidane's old friends, one of the other heroes. The soldiers would probably be disinclined to help him... Zidane's friends might be, too. As would those heroes. Besides, Beatrix and Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII were currently available. Now, which one...?

Both. He'd try to convince both of them to let him out of this stupid prison cell. The first one to agree to let him out would be the one he eventually mooched off of. Yes, his plan was perfect.

"Ladies, I see that we are at an... impasse," Kuja said finally. "I can do nothing to convince you to let me out, and you are not about to do so on your own, which is, I'll admit, quite understandable, given our past... experiences. Therefore, seeing as I appear to be rather... limited in what I do next, might I inquire as to what it is you wish to do with me?"

"Leave you here to rot," Beatrix responded emotionlessly.

"Ah. I see... I suppose, given how I have treated you in the past, that is understandable." Beatrix's eyes narrowed.

"What are you plotting?" She knew him too well. Drat. He would have to be careful.

"Why must you assume I am plotting anything?" Kuja asked, sounding slightly hurt. He really was quite a good actor. "Could I not have changed?" Beatrix just rolled her eyes.

"Come, Your Majesty," she said, turning to Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII. "It seems we have nothing left to do here." Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII nodded slowly.

"Yes... I suppose..."

"Don't mind him," Beatrix said as they walked away. "He's not going to _change_."

How right she was. Kuja made a mental note to work harder to convince Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII.


	6. Chapter Five

Edonil: Sorry about the late update: I had exams today, so I was studying. Updates should be regular as of this weekend.

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.

Advertisement: My site has a pretty new layout! Go check it out!

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Five**

"Kuja!" Kuja sat up, stifling a yawn. Yawning was not acceptable. If he was to make a good impression, he had to look proper.

"Yes, your Majesty?" he asked, standing up and sweeping a full court bow. The Queen looked faintly amused. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"I... Have you... Do you know where Zidane is?" Foolish girl. Probably thought love was eternal and all that nonsense, like in the stories.

"Alas, I am afraid not, Majesty," Kuja replied. "As I told both you and the General earlier, I was hoping to find my brother here, and if not, to search him out and live with him. Now, however..." Kuja gave a sigh, somewhat forlorn, hoping that the Queen would take pity on him.

She did.

"Oh... I suppose you really are telling the truth. I don't think there's anything else you could do here, seeing as you tried to destroy the planet from Memoria, and that's not here..."

"I assure you, Majesty, I have no intention of repeating my earlier mistakes. I am a changed man." _And a darn good liar,_ he added silently. Luckily for Kuja, Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII was not skilled in telepathy.

"Yes, I suppose... But if Zidane is really... If Zidane has... Oh..." A tear dripped down Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII's face. She turned away, probably to keep from looking 'weak'. Foolish girl. If Kuja was overwrought, all of his underlings knew it. Kuja would never understand these people...

"Your Majesty, I'm sure that wherever Zidane is, he's happy," Kuja said, doing his best to sound nice. He stepped forward and reached his hand through the bars to pat her on the arm. "If he could see you now, he'd probably tell you to cheer up." The Queen nodded slightly.

"Yes... He would say that..." Her tears were coming down in a silent flood, now.

"I miss him too, Majesty," Kuja assured her. "But he has been gone for how long? Perhaps we should... try to move on... as best we can. Even though it will be very hard..."

"Yes... I guess you're right... I... Forgive me, Kuja." She wiped away her tears. Kuja wondered absently how she managed to cry without her face going all red and blotchy. _His_ face didn't get blotchy, but then, he was physically perfect. "You probably miss him more than I do. You only just found out..."

"But I was never close to him, except for at the end... And there is nothing to forgive you for, Majesty." She nodded to herself.

"I... I'll see if I can get you out of here, Kuja. I don't think... You shouldn't have to be in prison. You'll have to be watched, but..."

"Thank you, Majesty." Yes, his plan was working out quite well. And, of course, there was the added bonus of the young queen being quite beautiful. She was quite acceptable...

Ah, yes, everything was going according to plan.


	7. Chapter Six

Edonil: Another chapter... Yay for regular updates! So, the question is who will hate me after this chapter? We shall see...

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own it.

Advertisement: Go to... my FictionPress account! Hah, you thought I was going to advertise my site again, didn't you?

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Six**

Kuja was enjoying himself immensely. He was an actor at heart, and therefore any time he got to act he quite enjoyed himself. Not that it was _really_ all acting...

Kuja had continued to work on the young queen, getting into her good graces, and now he was happily mooching off her. Beatrix did not seem to approve of Kuja. The general was still convinced that Kuja was well and truly evil. Kuja had not yet dissuaded her, despite his best attempts. But he had convinced Garnet, and that was the important thing. Garnet was now positive that Kuja was the nicest guy around, and that he thoroughly regretted his past actions.

Yes, Kuja truly was a great actor.

So far, his plan had only had one minor setback, and it had not interrupted his plan any. If fact, Kuja was starting to think that genuinely liking the woman he called his girlfriend could actually be a good thing. It would surely make his convincing all the more realistic.

Kuja loved the way everything was going according to plan.

0o0o0

"You know, you could just step out and order him away."

"But then he'd wonder why. The idea is to keep him from finding out about you."

"True. But I have a feeling we can't keep me a secret forever. Idiots have an uncanny knack for finding out things they aren't supposed to know."

"Did you just call Captain Steiner an idiot?"

"... Maybe?"

"Oh, you... Oh!" There was a moment of silence as Steiner got closer, frowning slightly.

"Anyone there? Show yourself!" Nothing happened. "Huh. Maybe I'm hearing things..." Steiner walked off.

A moment later, Kuja and Garnet fell out of the tree. Garnet was snickering. Kuja was smirking.

"That was close," Garnet giggled. Kuja nodded.

"Yes. That knight is going to find me some day, you know." Garnet shrugged.

"And he'll throw a hissy-fit, and Beatrix will placate him, and there won't be any more problems." Kuja raised an eyebrow.

"Which is why you suggested we don't tell him that I'm here?" Garnet sighed.

"Oh, fine, we'll be careful. Don't worry, Kuja; I'll keep the scary knight from finding you and throwing you out of the castle."

"Thank you, Garnet," Kuja answered wryly. She smiled.

"You're very welcome. Oh, um, Kuja..." She looked serious, now.

"Yes?"

"Um... Could you... call me Dagger?"

"Er... yes..." That seemed rather... random. "Pray tell, why?"

"_He_ used to call me that."

"Ah. Very well, I shall forthwith call you Dagger, Dagger." Garnet- Dagger- giggled.

"That sounded silly." Kuja just shrugged.

"I suppose it did. Now, seeing as we've... avoided that blockheaded knight, what were we doing earlier...?"


	8. Chapter Seven

Edonil: This update isn't late! Your calendar is early! I swear it is! -crickets chirping- Ok, um... Yeah, this is a tad late, I guess. But just think! You only have to wait a few days until the next update!

Disclaimer:

There was a rpg that was cool.  
And the creators were Square Soft/Enix who'll  
Sue me unless  
I thoroughly express  
That I don't own FFIX and now I'll stop this pathetic attempt at an limerick and stop acting like a fool.

-more crickets chirping-

Advertisement: I have a forum! It's for all artists, writers, and other random people who feel like visiting. URL: randomness.edonil(dot)com

* * *

**Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Seven**

"_And so the good queen Avylonn, who was known for her gothic beauty, did ascend the throne, but her reign was to be short-lived, for a member of her family did go insane..."_

"Hm-hm!" Kuja looked up from his book.

"Oh! My Lady General!" He swept a grandiloquent bow. Beatrix snorted.

"Don't bother. Your flattery won't work on me." Smiling slightly, Kuja sat back down.

"Please, pull up a chair," he said courteously.

"I prefer to stand."

"Fair enough. I suppose you are much more... _overbearing_ if you stand. But please, tell me Beatrix, can I assist you in any way?"

"I'm going to be blunt. I don't trust you. I wasn't sure of you before everything happened, and I sure as all heck don't have a very high opinion of you now. Sure, you might have convinced Queen Garnet that you're a fine young gentleman who thoroughly regrets his past, but you've yet to convince me." She paused.

"Yes...?"

"I've been watching you. You probably know that. You might be a heartless murdering bastard, but you aren't an idiot. And you're being very clever this time. You don't give a damn about Queen Garnet or Zidane, do you? You're just using her to further your own goals. And I'm guess that, knowing you, those goals are petty things like staying fed and watered and living in luxury."

Oh. Well, then...

"And, er... What are you getting at?" Kuja asked carefully.

"I want you to stop, obviously. But that won't happen. Firstly, because nothing I can say will change your mind. Secondly, because nothing I say will convince her Majesty at the moment. Thirdly, because, quite frankly, if you leave, Queen Garnet will be an emotional wreck. So. I can't boot you out. But I want to know how right I am, and why I shouldn't just let the Queen be an emotion wreck."

This was... not going well.

"Ah... I see," Kuja said finally. "Um... Well, I've never claimed that you are not a most intelligent and capable young woman-"

"Get to the point."

"Right. The point. Um... I am just... er... That is to say, I was going to... uh..." Beatrix snorted.

"You aren't going to tell me, are you? I suppose you wouldn't. But it was worth a shot. I'll be seeing you, then. Oh, and for future reference, seeing as I'm now thoroughly convinced I was at least partially right, I'll be watching you all the harder-"

"I... Alright, you were correct. Partially. There. Are you happy?"

"Partially? On which point was I incorrect?" Damn the woman for being so... _persuasive_.

"Er... The part where you said that I 'don't give a damn about Queen Garnet or Zidane'. I... I really did want to see Zidane again, and I'm really quite fond of her Majesty..."

Beatrix laughed. And being the warrior-type, it wasn't a soft court giggle, either. Kuja was rather affronted.

"What is so amusing!"

"You! Ah, Kuja, you've really done it this time! That must have been a blow to your perfectly-constructed plan, falling in love! Oh, this is classic..."

"I see. Well, if you know everything that you want to know, perhaps I'll be going now." Beatrix was now leaning against a wobbling bookshelf, tears streaming down her face. Quite insulted, Kuja grabbed his book and went to find somewhere else to sit. Luckily for him, there was a comfortable looking chair the next aisle over. He sat down to read, pretending he couldn't hear the General.

"Ha ha ha! That's... Oh my gosh, when I tell... Kuja... Heh heh heh..." Beatrix sounded like she was calming down. "I can't believe... Oh!" She was laughing at him again.

"Oh!" Kuja heard a creak. He looked up to see the bookshelf Beatrix had been leaning again toppling over. In his direction. Kuja had just enough time to think _"Not this!"_ before-


	9. Chapter Eight

Edonil: I really need a life. Or at least a little more free time. Luckily, now that the play I was in is over, I have that free time. Theoretically, updates should resume regularly. Except for next week, when I'm going skiing- the next update will be next Monday.

Idea to Increase Updates: If I got more than one review per chapter, I might update more! As far as I know, at the moment, only one person is reading this. I'll still try to update, but if I had _incentive_...

Disclaimer: I own a few unique ideas and nothing else.

Advertisement: Share your creative works! Chat! Debate! Goof around! Enter Challenges! The more members on my forum, the better!

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Eight**

_Kuja had just enough time to think _"Not this!" _before-_

0o0o0

First, Kuja noticed that his head hurt. A lot. Drat. However, the pain in his skull was a pretty good indicator of whether or not Kuja was currently living. Not even being tortured in the deepest recesses of Hell would induce a headache to a dead person, right?

Then Kuja became aware of his other four senses. Sight: red, medium light. Why...? Oh, right. There was a light shining at his eyes, which were closed. Taste: not good. He needed to brush his teeth. Smell: sterile, hospital-like. He was probably in some sort of hospital. Hearing: people talking.

"Yes, I know, it really is quite remarkable," someone was saying. "I really never expected anything like this. But I suppose he is not really a human, and so it stands to reason that he is somewhat impervious to harm."

"But... He was worried that he would die, before..." someone else protested. The someone else sounded like Dagger. "How could he not be...?"

"Ah, yes... I'm not entirely sure. I'll have to run some more tests, I think. Unless he protests, of course, but I see no reason for him to do so."

"What is happening?" Kuja asked, opening his eyes. "My head is aching..."

"Kuja! You _are_ alright!" Kuja winced as he was glomped by his girlfriend. "I mean... Of course, I knew Doctor Tot said you were alright, but I was so worried... Oh, yes, Kuja, this is Doctor Tot. He healed... He was going to heal you."

"But he did not?" Dagger nodded.

"Um... Yes. Maybe you'd better explain, Doctor Tot." The doctor nodded.

"Yes, I suppose I had better. And perhaps Master Kuja could answer some of my questions." Kuja nodded. "You see, when you were in the library, a bookshelf fell on you. You were unconscious- we assumed that you had a concussion. However, after we got you out and brought you here, I realized that you were actually quite alright, apart from being unconscious. No concussion, no broken bones, not so much as a bruise. I assumed that you were, ah, _created_ in a way so as to minimize harm..." Kuja shook his head.

"No. Zidane was, I believe, but for the most part, I was not. I was only the prototype. Actually, at the moment, I believe I should be more susceptible to injury than most people; I should be dead soon, really. My body is supposed to just... give out at some point."

"Hmm... Perhaps your creator was wrong?" Kuja shrugged.

"I suppose it is possible. But I have a terrible headache. Do you know why?"

"No. It could be related to healing at an increased speed- I'll run a few tests, if you don't mind?"

"Not at all." Doctor Tot busied himself with taking Kuja's blood while Dagger sat down on the edge of Kuja's bed.

"So you're alright? You still look a bit pale..." she said worriedly. Kuja raised an eyebrow.

"I just had a bookshelf fall on me. Of course I'm pale! Besides, I'm always pale. It's part of being a genome..."

0o0o0

Drat Garland! Kuja hated his creator with a passion. Ever since he was first created, Kuja had despised the man who made him. Garland was so full of himself, sure that nothing could stop his carefully constructed plans, that no one was smarter than he... And he was right, damn it! Kuja had seen what Garland was doing, creating a new and improved version of Kuja, and tried to mimic Garland's knowledge. Kuja's creations had not been people or genomes, however; they had been little lumps of flesh that wriggled. Curse Garland!

But then Garland had seen Kuja's lumps, and rather than grow angry, he had laughed. It wasn't a kind, amused laugh. It was a condescending laugh, a laugh that made Kuja feel pathetic and worthless. And then Garland had taken Kuja's lumps and thrown them into the river, where they writhed forevermore, entertaining genomes and constantly reminding Kuja of his failure. Oh, how Kuja had loathed Garland.

But Kuja, while not as knowledgeable as Garland, still had a keen mind, and he had set to the task a different way. How many years had he spent filching Garland's books? Then Kuja had stumbled across the best book of all. Better still, it was one that Garland had assigned Kuja to read. It was a magic book, a book on projecting one's mind. Kuja had caught on quickly, helped along the way by the other genomes' weak and unshielded minds.

Kuja soon had the power to enter Garland's mind for brief minutes. It had to be done carefully, lest Garland discover what Kuja was doing. But it had been worth it. Kuja learned what he wanted to know. He soon was quite capable of creating genomes. His first true genomes were ugly things, with their blackened, cracking skin barely hanging to their bones and their bodies entirely out of proportion. Their only source of beauty was their luminous golden eyes.

Kuja had been trying to find out how to change their appearance when Garland had caught him.

Kuja had seen Garland frustrated. Kuja had seen Garland annoyed. But Kuja had never truly seen Garland angry before.

Garland threw a fit. He smashed all of Kuja's possessions. He locked Kuja up, and replaced his test-genome with Kuja, trying to find a way to create his new 'Angel of Death'. It was then that Garland first had the idea to include animal DNA in the genetic mix. It was then that Kuja acquired his avian features.

But Garland needed his current Angel of Death to wreak havoc on the twin world of Gaia. Kuja was allowed to go, on the condition that he obeyed Garland's will and return when summoned. Kuja agreed. Kuja left. He travelled the width and breadth of Gaia, learning its ways.

But it was hard, so hard, for a seven year old boy with feathers for hair and milk-white skin to instil fear and chaos into the Gaians. He was soon recalled. And it was then that Kuja met his replacement.

If Kuja loathed Garland, he was stricken near dead with jealously for this new Angel. No, he would not play second-best to this pathetic squalling child! Kuja had kidnapped the Second Angel and taken him to Gaia. Again, Garland was furious. But he did not know where his better Angel was.

So Garland tried to reason with Kuja. It had not worked. In a fit of pique, Garland revealed to Kuja that physically, he was no different than any other genome. He was intelligent only because Garland had gifted Kuja with a soul, which Garland could take back if he so chose. That frightened Kuja. He did not want to be a mindless, soulless drown like his pitiful creations. He went back to Gaia, searching for the Second Angel, hoping to appease Garland. Eventually, he gave up. The Second Angel was lost.

Kuja grew older, and returned to creating chaos on Gaia. He hoodwinked the recently widowed Queen Brahne of Alexandria. Oh, how he had enjoyed playing that game. He had loved every moment of it, from the carefully worded suggested to the idle moments spent locked away in her libraries.

Imagine his surprise upon finding his long lost 'brother'! And fighting against him, no less! Surely this was a gift from the heavens; the Second Angel was coming straight to Kuja! All had seemed to be going according to plan.

But then it occurred to Kuja that there was no reason for him to be second-best. Why tell Garland about the Second Angel? Why not use the Second Angel's powers himself? Kuja was ambitious, yes, but he was also intelligent. Yes, it did not take much effort for Kuja to be in a very favourable position.

But then there was that dratted moogle who Tranced, and Kuja realized where the true power was! Kuja had found a way to Trance himself as soon as he could. But just when he thought victory was his, Garland said those fated words...

"_There's a limit on your life... You'll be dead soon..."_

If Garland had never said those words... Curse the man a thousand times over! Kuja was going to _die_! Just as his creations died... Just as humans died...

Nothing, not regret, not a girlfriend, _nothing_ could make Kuja stop fearing death.

That's what he thought, anyway.


	10. Chapter Nine

Edonil: This update is _on time_! Isn't it exciting? So, let's see... I just went skiing. I hate skiing. I hate snow. But then, I'm weird. What else is there to tell you about? This is the tenth instalment of Iifa. That's pretty cool... Oh! I know! Somebody pointed out that I said "Kuja your body is not different than the other Genomes," but Kuja has silver hair, etc. I was not referring to the hair colour. I was referring to the way Kuja has the same organs, etc. The way that I am (assumedly) the same as you, even though you and I (hopefully) look completely different. Sorry for any confusion!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kuja yet, but I have plans... (laughs evilly)

Advertisement: So, which should I advertise today? My forum or my website? Hmm... I know! How 'bout both? Go visit edonil(dot)com and randomness(dot)edonil(dot)com! Now! I command you!

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Nine**

"Kuja? I have the results from the tests." Doctor Tot totted into the room (and Kuja groaned at the lousy pun).

"What do they say?" Dagger asked anxiously. "Is Kuja alright! Please tell me he's alright!" Doctor Tot smiled fondly.

"He is still just as fine as he always was. The results are... puzzling, but don't worry."

"Puzzling?" Kuja asked. Puzzling didn't sound good. Doctor Tot nodded.

"Yes. The results remind me somewhat of some tests I ran on a moogle some time ago..."

"You ran tests on a moogle?" Why on Gaia would anyone run tests on a moogle?

"Yes. I was curious as to how faerie blood compared with human blood. For the most part, moogle blood is just basic blood. It includes some other particles in it, though, which seem to act much like basic body cells in that they reproduce to heal, but they do so at an advanced rate, which I believe is somewhere near ten to the thirteenth-" Kuja cleared his throat. "Ah. Yes. You do not want the particulars. Basically, these particles allow one to heal at a quicker rate than normal. They also appear to carry oxygen when not being used for healing purposes. I have never before seen them outside of moogles. Roughly two percent of the solid components of a moogle's blood are these particles. You, on the other hand... It would appear that roughly thirty percent of the solid particles in your blood are these strange healing particles." Kuja blinked.

"So what you are telling me is... I can heal myself almost instantly?" Doctor Tot nodded.

"Yes. In effect, this would make you almost indestructible. If you don't mind, I would like to continue to monitor you for some time..." Kuja nodded, only half paying attention.

Indestructible! Just the mere thought... If only Garland were here now; how Kuja would love to gloat! Indestructible! He had nothing to worry about, now! Nothing could happen to him anymore!

Would he die? It was an interesting thought. Perhaps these particles in his blood would extend his life span? Kuja voiced his thoughts.

"Hmm... Yes, I suppose it is possible," Doctor Tot agreed. "I can not confirm it at this time, of course, but perhaps in a few months, after I have monitored these particles, maybe learned some more about them... Actually... If you'll excuse me, I believe there are some other genomes in Alexandria; I'd like to go see them..." Mumbling to himself, Doctor Tot totted off.

"Isn't this wonderful!" Dagger exclaimed, throwing herself at Kuja in an enormous hug. "You're going to be safe forever! Garland lied! Oh, I'm so happy!" Kuja nodded, and was about to return her hug when he thought of something.

"Um... Dagger..."

"Yes?"

"What about... What about Zidane? I can not imagine that Garland would not continue such a thing as these particles..." Dagger frowned.

"Oh, you're right! I... I really never thought about that! Perhaps... Perhaps Garland did not want to risk... _him_ being too powerful if he rebelled against Garland?"

"Yes, that could be it..." But that really didn't seem likely. Surely the advantages outweighed the dangers...

0o0o0

Kuja leafed through Doctor Tot's notes. No... No... Nope... Nothing... No... It just didn't make sense! It had not taken Doctor Tot very long at all to confirm that Kuja was alone in possessing these mysterious particles (which Doctor Tot had chosen to name 'kujhemolets'). Doctor Tot had immediately begun combing the library for any reference to anything that might possibly be a kujhemolet. Doctor Tot had not yet found anything of any use, but he was hoping...

But Kuja's continued blood tests showed some rather interesting things. For one, in the past week, Kuja's kujhemolet count had gone up by nearly fifteen percent. That was a considerable amount. And Doctor Tot was saying something about that number being an exponential...

Doctor Tot claimed that the solid components of Kuja's blood would all be kujhemolets in roughly five weeks.

It was a strange feeling, being nearly invincible. Kuja certainly wasn't any stronger than before. He didn't look any different (except perhaps a bit paler, due to the lack of red blood cells). He didn't really feel any different at all, except for his confidence. _That_ had sky-rocketed. Virtually nothing could hurt him! It was such a nice feeling...

If only he could figure out _why_!


	11. Chapter Ten

Edonil: Hey, I'm on time! Isn't that neat?

Explanation: I got a few questions about the kujhemolets. Basically, people seem to believe that Kuja's blood will turn into quasi-molasses and won't be able to carry oxygen. _Somebody_ didn't read the explanation in the story! Notice that I keep referring to the kujhemolets in reference to the solid parts of the blood, not the blood as a whole. His blood is still mostly liquid, just like ours. And I also said that kujhemolets can perform the functions of the other blood cells. They're like super-blood-cells that do everything at once! Don't worry, these things won't kill Kuja.

Disclaimer: I own... the kujhemolets! Which are named after somebody who doesn't belong to me.

Advertisement: I have a _forum_! It's awesome! It's got challenges and stuff. And you can post stories and drawings and stuff. And it's got a help section. And a random blabbing section. And a debate section. And a section dedicated to purple, flying monkey-chickens. Don't you want to go see it? (There's a link in my bio.)

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Ten**

The sun was shining! The birds were singing! The sky was bright and blue, and...

The people of Alexandria were glaring at Kuja.

It _did_ make a certain amount of sense. Kuja had, after all, partially decimated their fair city. It stood to reason that they were less than pleased to learn of his continued existence. That was, of course, why Kuja had remained hidden for so long.

But if they couldn't do anything to hurt him...

"_Sunshine and daisies make me _happy" Kuja sang softly and uncharacteristically to himself. Most days, he would rather squish happy things. But today he would make an exception. "_La la la... Dum-dee-dum... Sunshine... Daisies..._"

"You!" Kuja was hit in this side of the head by some kind of rotten fruit (it was too far rotten for Kuja to tell exactly what it had been). Most days, Kuja would have used a nice flare spell to deal with the annoying little pest who _dared_ to muss his perfectly combed hair. But today he would make an exception.

"Good morning to you, too, good sir!" Kuja said cheerfully, beaming at the civilian. The civilian took a step back, looking quite terrified.

"Er... I'm sorry, don't know what came over me..." he muttered. Kuja cut him off.

"Come now, it's _perfectly_ alright! It's too nice a day for me to care, wouldn't you say?" Kuja then walked- no, _skipped_- off to see the sites of Alexandria.

"_Sunshine and daisies make me happy... So do little birds... Life is wonderful..._" It suddenly occurred to Kuja that his random singing might annoy the Alexandrians, and he didn't want that! He switched to singing something with a tune. "_I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and... GAY!_"

"You look gay," somebody muttered. Kuja ignored Somebody and continued.

"_And I pity any girl who isn't me today!_"

"So you _are_ a girl!" Somebody exclaimed. "I wondered..."

Kuja stopped singing.

The happy feeling was wearing off slightly, and Kuja was starting to get a bit... edgy. Perhaps because of the muttering whenever he passed. Perhaps because there were clouds forming in the sky. Perhaps because some people were coming at him, armed with torches and pitchforks.

_Wait! Torches and pitchforks?_

"AARGH!"

0o0o0

"Urgh!"

THUMP!

"Urgh..."

CRACK!

"Ur..."

SPLAT!

'Splat' is a rather interesting sound. It can be a very good sound, but it can also be very bad. An example of a good 'splat' is the 'splat' that results from an enemy of humanity reaching the ground at the bottom of a cliff. An example of a bad 'splat' is the 'splat' that results from one being an enemy of humanity who has just reached the ground at the bottom of a cliff.

Luckily for Kuja, this was just an in-between splat.

Kuja was literally dropped off at the edge of Alexandria Harbour (in a mud puddle, which resulted in a 'splat'). Most days, Kuja would have jumped up and flared his attackers before they could say 'splat'. But today he would make an exception. More because they'd broken several bones than because he didn't want to, of course...

Then Kuja remembered his uber-special blood, and found that maybe today was something like most days after all.

His opponents vaporized, Kuja stood up and walked back to Alexandria Castle.

_Drat! I thought everything would be fine! I have grown complacent, of late. I am used to Dagger, and her trust in me. I am used to Beatrix and her trust in Dagger. I am not used to these pathetic, worthless, idiotic, ignorant..._

_No. Don't insult, them, Kuja; they just nearly killed you. They probably would have, if not for the kujhemolets. Maybe even then. Can I be killed? I can be injured, apparently. I just heal quickly. If any of them had split my head open... It's probably a good thing that they wanted me to die in agony._

_This is not fair! I am Kuja! I destroyed a world! I nearly destroyed another! I'm intelligent, powerful, beautiful... I am better than this! I don't deserve to be mauled by some pathetic paupers! My life is _so_ unfair..._


	12. Chapter Eleven

Edonil: Yeah, about the lateness... I was busy. I went to a party and stuff. So the update is today, not yesterday. On an unrelated note, I was looking at my outline, and this thing is almost done! Chapter thirteen is the final chapter, and this is chapter eleven... Crazy... Review, people! I love reviews!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada. Zip. Etc.

Advertisement: I updated my original novel, Areathe- there's a link to it in my bio. Would you please read it? Nobody ever reviews my original stories...

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Eleven**

All was most certainly _not_ well in the world! First, those lousy civilians had continued to beat Kuja. Now, that wasn't much of a problem, what with Kuja being invincible and all, but it made him feel rather... unwelcome. Then there were the knights of Pluto, and their Captain in particular, who was... less than pleased to learn of Kuja's continued existence. And finally, the one person, Dagger, the woman who should have been comforting him, was frequently busy running her kingdom.

In his saddened state, Kuja had no choice but to find another means of comfort. First, he tried talking to others in Alexandria Castle. Regrettably, the only one who didn't hate Kuja was Doctor Tot, and Doctor Tot could be rather annoying when he started discussing these wretched blood thingies. So Kuja went outside, seeking solace in whatever he could, which eventually turned out to be fermented liquids.

In short, Kuja was depressed and trying to get drunk out of his mind.

Most people who turn to alcohol for support find sooner or later that there's nothing at the bottom of a bottle except a polished bit of glass or metal (depending on the substance from which the bottle is made). Kuja, however, was not quite so lucky, which was less because he was slow and more because the kujhemolets were preventing Kuja from getting properly intoxicated. Therefore, Kuja was draining the Alexandria Treasury rather nicely (having been given full access to it some time before), but was not doing the world a whole lot of good.

At the moment, Kuja was sitting glumly in the tavern in Alexandria City, staring broodily at the bottle in front of him.

_Is that the fourth... It can't be the fifth! I've only been here... Wait... Never mind, it's the fifth. It isn't the sixth, is it? Dang, I'm losing track of time..._

_Who cares? Nobody! I should just rot away here, do the world a favour... Would vodka work? Yeah, maybe if I ordered a few pints and downed them very quickly... No, wait, I don't think one can order that much vodka. Drat. Ah, well, another bottle of whatever this is can't hurt..._

"Kuja?" Kuja looked up blearily. Regrettably, he recognized the person coming into the tavern.

_Dang it, I really need to get properly drunk..._

"Yes?" he asked Dagger as she hurried forward.

"There you are! I was so worried! Beatrix said that you having been spending a lot of time here recently... Oh, Kuja, you shouldn't drink! How much have you drunk today?" Kuja shrugged.

"Doesn't matter..."

"But... Oh, let's get you out of here." Dagger swiftly inquired as to the price of Kuja's indulgence, paid, and dragged Kuja out.

"What do you want?" Kuja asked. _I should at least have a headache!_

"What are you doing! Getting drunk? What is the matter? Kuja, you've been acting strangely; I'm worried about you." Kuja shrugged.

"Don't be. I'm fine."

"Fine? Kuja, you are _not_ fine! What is the matter? Is it something I did? If it is, I'm so sorry, but you could have-"

"It's... It's not you," Kuja interrupted. "It's just... Nobody likes me! They all hate me, because..."

"I don't hate you," Dagger said softly.

"But you should! I'm a freak! Look at me? Do I look normal to you? Do I?" Dagger didn't say anything. "See? I'm a freak! I'm some weird experiment by a wanna-be god that went horribly wrong because of some freak blood clots, and now I can't even get drunk, which I really want to, because everybody hates me, and rightly so, I mean, I tried to destroy the damn world and you with it and... and..." Dagger continued to watch him silently. "Say something!"

"I... I think maybe we should go talk to Doctor Tot..." she began, drawing near him. He pushed her away.

"There, you see? You think I'm crazy! Absolutely stark raving mad! And I am! I'm a lunatic, a good-for-nothing wanna-be drunk who tried to unleash the uncreator upon humanity and destroy life itself..."

"Kuja..." Kuja pushed her away again.

"Go away!" he yelled, running off.

_Holy Eidolons... I tried to destroy the world... I killed my brother... I've ended my relationship with the only one who cares... I sicken myself._

_I don't deserve to live..._


	13. Chapter Twelve

Edonil: Oh dear... This is the second-last chapter... I've started thinking about what I want to write after this, and come to the conclusion that I'd like to work on some original fiction for a bit, so I'll be trying to update Areathe (see my bio) twice a month or something (the chapters in Areathe are considerably longer). So everyone, head over to fictionpress to read my written works!

Oh, and this update isn't late; wasn't working yesterday.

Disclaimer: I don't _think_ I've bought the rights to FFIX since last week...

Advertisement: I have a website, a forum, and some original fiction! Go visit them! Please?

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Twelve**

"Kuja! KUJA! KUUUUJAAAA!" Nobody answered. Where was he? Dagger was getting quite worried about him. Was there something wrong with him? Maybe he was going insane... again...

"KUJA!" she yelled, louder. The only sound was the wind, whistling over the top of the castle. It was getting dark; perhaps Kuja was inside?

"Majesty!" It was Beatrix. Had she found him? "No, Majesty," Beatrix said, answering the unspoken question. "I have not yet found him. He does not appear to be within the castle." There went that theory. "Have you checked the city, yet, Majesty?" Dagger nodded.

"Yes, I sent Steiner... Where could he be, Beatrix? What's the matter...?" Beatrix sighed.

"What happened, Majesty? He was last seen less than an hour ago, with you, and now you say he's _missing_? Where could he have gone in one hour?" Dagger shrugged.

"I don't know, but... Beatrix, he was trying to get _drunk_! You know him! Does he seem like the type of person to be drinking six bottles of beer at the tavern!" Beatrix was silent for a moment.

"No... I suppose I see your point. That is rather unlike him. But what's the worst that could happen?"

"Beatrix... When I last saw him, he was acting rather... He was acting more like before the Iifa Tree and... I'm worried about him." Beatrix's face softened slightly.

"Alright, Majesty, I will continue to search. And you said you sent Steiner to search the city; Steiner might be a block-head sometimes, but he'll do what you told him as best he can. So don't worry; everything will be alright." Bowing, Beatrix left.

Was Kuja alright? Was Dagger worrying needlessly? Maybe Dagger could go inside, get some work done... Yes, that would be good. All the soldiers and knights were out looking for Kuja; Dagger would only get in their way...

Still worrying, Dagger went back into the castle and into her study. Sitting down at her desk, Dagger took several deep breaths. Kuja was fine... Kuja was fine... Yes, he _was_ fine. Dagger picked up the top paper.

It was a letter from her friends in Tantalus. She'd corresponded with them a lot since Zidane...

"_Queen Dagger,_

_How have you been? I trust nothing unfortunate has happened lately. We've heard rumours of a certain villain... Of course, I am sure you have everything under control._

_One of the Treno nobles recently requested that we perform 'I Want to be your Canary' for him. Knowing that you love the play so, and seeing as we will be traveling anyway, would you be interested in us performing in Alexandria?_

_We have a new member in Tantalus, although he's been saying some nonsense about wanting to live in Alexandria. Perhaps you would like to meet him?_

_- Baku, and Tantalus"_

Yes, a play... Kuja liked plays. Maybe seeing one would cheer him up...

"Majesty!" Dagger looked up at the soldier.

"Yes?"

"The General requests your presence. She says that it is an emergency!" Dagger leapt up. An emergency? Was Kuja...? Wordlessly, she raced from the room, dragging the unfortunate soldier along-side her.

_Please let Kuja be alright. Please let Kuja be alright. Please let Kuja be alright..._ But what if he wasn't alright? First Zidane, and now Kuja... _Please, please, _please_ let Kuja be alright!_

"Beatrix!" Dagger asked, stopping beside the general. Without a word, Beatrix pointed up. Dagger looked upwards, and her heart nearly stopped.

Standing on one of the upper-most towers was Kuja. He was too far away from Dagger for her to see much, but...

He stepped off the edge of the tower. Dagger screamed.

He was falling... Falling...

This was it. The final time Kuja would fly. He'd loved his flights on his silver dragon's back. Kuja's draconian blood, the blood containing the DNA that gave him is pale skin and feathery silver hair, assured that he always wanted to fly...

But this was it. No more flying.

_I should have died... It should have been me, not Zidane... I should not have lived. All that should be left should be a few scattered fragments of bones, littering the forest floor..._

_How is it that I survived, while Zidane's body rotted away? When I awoke, I did not see him. How did his body rot away, while mine continued to live? How long was I only partially awake?_

_Perhaps it is the kujhemolets? Yes, that would explain a great deal. But when did they come? From what did they come? It makes no sense... Unless..._

_Perhaps the Iifa Tree? Surely eating's it leaves has unknown effects... It would be interesting to study..._

_Perhaps Doctor Tot will in time realize it. It does not matter to me. Soon, I will be dea-_

THUMP!


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Edonil: The final chapter… Yes, that's right, no more Iifa. And likely no more fanfiction for a while (it's getting kinda boring). It's so sad… By the way, the latter part of this chapter takes place during the final scene of the game. Oh, and I apologize in advance for the uber-lame ending.

Disclaimer: For the 14th and final time, nope, I do not own anything that Square owns.

Advertisement: I'm thinking I'll be updating Areathe (see my fictionpress account) twice a month…

* * *

**Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life**

**Chapter Thirteen**

Dagger screamed as Kuja stepped off the tower. Down, down, he fell. Time slowed. He fell slowly, but surely, towards...

THUMP!

Dagger's scream died. What was this?

Kuja was intelligent once, but his semi-insane state clearly had dulled his brain. Kuja's chosen location of suicide had been directly overtop another tower, one not more than twenty feet down.

Dagger watched in mute amazement as Kuja slowly stood up. He looked around, apparently confused...

Dagger ran inside.

0o0o0

He had _missed_! Alexandria Castle was huge, its towers unmatched, and yet...

Kuja felt like an _idiot_. How had he missed? It wasn't fair!

"Kuja!" Kuja was then glomped by his girlfriend. "You're alright! Kuja… Don't try to kill yourself! I love you! Please don't hurt yourself! I'll do anything you want, just be safe, and don't…" Dagger continued on that vein for a while (until she ran out of breath, at which point she stopped talking).

_I can't believe I missed…_

0o0o0

Dagger sighed inwardly.

_The theatre ship will arrive any minute. It's been so long… I can't wait to see everyone. But… It'll never be the same. There will be one missing… I have to let go of the past. I have to move on, just like he taught me._

_A strange way to teach someone something, I suppose. Learning from another's mistakes… But it's true. I don't want to be like Kuja. Oh, Kuja…_

0o0o0

Kuja glared at the knight. The knight glared at Kuja. The knight blinked. Kuja smirked triumphantly.

_Hah! Three for me, zero for him! I'm winning… What's this? Again? Well, if he insists…_

Kuja could have gone and sat beside Dagger, but he really didn't want to. He was the centre of enough attention already. No, he was here, on the edge of the crowd, where hopefully no one would notice him… Not that it mattered, since he was wearing a cloak, but still…

Something blocked out the sun. Looking up, Kuja spotted the theatre ship. It was here. Only a few minutes until Tantalus began their performance…

0o0o0

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Tonight's performance is a story that takes place long, long ago. Our heroine, Princess Cornelia, is torn from her lover, Marcus. She attempts to flee the castle, only to be captured by her father, King Leo. Tonight's story begins when Marcus and Cornelia decide to run away together. And now, Your Royal majesty, Queen Garnet, Lord Steiner, Lady Beatrix, noble ladies and lords, and our rooftop viewers, Tantalus proudly presents 'I Want to Be Your Canary'!"

Would it work? Dagger hoped it would work. Surely Kuja would be cheered up by this… And it was a love story; maybe it would convince Kuja to keep going just for her…

_That sounded very soppy,_ a little voice in Dagger's mind commented. She ignored it.

0o0o0

Kuja watched the show with interest. Tantalus was really quite a good troupe of actors. It was nice to think that Zidane had once been one of them…

"Could she have betrayed me?" asked Marcus. Kuja liked that character. So interesting… Marcus crossed to center stage. "Nay, ne'er would my love speak false." Kuja smiled to himself. 'Ne'er'. What a nice word! Another good point for Marcus. "I must have faith! She shall appear if I only believe! As the sun lends me no ear, I pray instead to the twin moons!" Rather ridiculous, but rather quaint. Kuja wasn't surprised that this was Dagger's favourite play. Marcus turned towards the twin moons. "I beseech thee, wondrous moonlight, grant me my only wish!" Marcus grabbed at his cloak- what was he doing?- and ripped it off.

_Oh._

"Bring my beloved Dagger to me!"

_Shoot!_

0o0o0

_Zidane! Here! Oh, dear Eidolons…_ Dagger leapt from her chair, and raced for the stage. She was held up momentarily by Beatrix and Steiner, but soon (although it felt like an age to her) she had reached the stage.

One large hug and several punches later, Zidane managed to pry Dagger from himself long enough to get the two of them offstage.

_Oh, Zidane… Wait a minute! What about Kuja…? Oh dear…_

"Dagger…? What's?" Zidane asked.

"Nothing," Dagger lied. Zidane gave her a look that clearly said that he didn't believe her. "Really!"

"Yeah right. So, what's the problem?" Dagger tried to wave him off, but it didn't work, and finally she told him.

"I… I have a boyfriend." There. It was out. _Oh, dear Eidolons, _Zidane_…_ Zidane just shrugged.

"Ok. Makes sense, I suppose. I've been dead for three years, remember?" He smiled. Dagger felt like her insides were writhing. "So, who is it? Do I know him?"

"Kuja," Dagger answered in a small voice. Zidane stared.

"Say what?"

"Er… I think she said my name." Both Zidane and Dagger looked up as Kuja entered the room, looking uncharacteristically sheepish.

0o0o0

Zidane stared. Never in his wildest dreams had he seen this one coming. Kuja was dead, not dating Zidane's ex-girlfriend (Zidane had promptly forgotten that he and Dagger had never gone out).

"Er… Yeah… This is awkward…" Zidane muttered. Dagger smiled nervously. Kuja looked at his feet. "Yeah… Well, I'm, er, happy for you…" Zidane said, trying to be polite.

"Yes. Of course…" Kuja agreed, sounding dubious. "Um…" Dagger, meanwhile, was looking around.

"Um… I think I should let you two talk," she said suddenly. "I mean, you haven't seen each other in such a long time… Goodbye!" She dashed off.

Zidane looked at Kuja. Kuja looked at Zidane. Both took a deep breath.

"So… Um… You know, I really think I should be going," Kuja said finally. "I have been thinking about visiting Treno, seeing how my estates are doing… Yes, I think I will do that. Give you and Her Majesty some time alone…"

"Uh, but… Kuja, really, it's alright- I've been dead!" Zidane protested. (_Why are you protesting?_ a voice in his head asked. _He stole your girl, and now he's giving her back!_) "Really! I haven't seen Dagger in a while… I'm sure we're entirely different people…"

"All the same, I really think I should give you two the time to find out-"

"But you got her first, really-"

"But Zidane, I insist-"

"No, _I_ insist-"

"You're both idiots!" General Beatrix interrupted. "Please excuse me while I go tell Queen Garnet that neither of the two men in her life actually likes her."

"WHAT!" both Zidane and Kuja yelled. Beatrix smiled.

"You're arguing over who should take her. Clearly, neither of you two wants her. I'd better go tell her…"

"Ah, but… I know! General Beatrix, what are _your_ thoughts on the matter?" Kuja asked. Beatrix smiled menacingly.

"Oh… Kuja, you are completely unacceptable. You are a psychotic murderer. But you already know that, don't you? And Zidane, you're also unacceptable. You're a thief, and you disappeared for three years. At least Kuja was here the entire time." Zidane blinked.

"So… You're saying…?"

"I think that Queen Garnet is being an idiot for considering either of you two, but since she is, I'll leave the decision to her." And with that, Beatrix walked off.

"Right… Kuja, um, not that I'm not happy to see you, but… What do we do?" Zidane asked. Kuja shrugged.

"I… I am not sure… Perhaps we could ask Dagger? Let her decide?" Zidane nodded, and the two headed off in the same direction Dagger had gone in.

"So… You call her Dagger, too?" Zidane asked, breaking an awkward silence. Kuja nodded.

"Yes. She asked me to. It had something to do with you, I think. Ah! There she is!"

"Oh! Um… Hello Kuja. Hello Zidane." Dagger started looking around again. "Are you two sure you don't want some more time to-"

"Dagger… It's really awkward with just him and me," Zidane interrupted. We… I really don't think that both him and me should be in the same place at the same time, but you know, we're both insisting that the other should… Er…" Zidane looked pleadingly at his brother.

"Dagger, if you want me to go, I will understand," Kuja said simply. "Just tell me."

0o0o0

_Shoot! They want me to kick one of them out? But I can't! I can't possibly… Oh, but somebody has to, and I'll bet they've both tried to leave and get the other to stay with me. They're both so sweet!_

_But… I can't… Why would they make _me_ decide? Oh, dear Eidolons…_

0o0o0

_Choose Zidane, choose Zidane, choose Zidane…_

_Oh, Kuja! Are you sure you don't want her to choose you?_

_No! She should choose Zidane! She's been miserable without him, and he isn't evil like me…_

_You liar! You want her to choose you!_

_No, I don't. Well, maybe… No! Bad thoughts!_

0o0o0

_Choose me, choose me, choose me… Wait, that's sorta selfish… Who cares? Oh, dear Eidolons, please choose me…_

_Although, really, I don't know how it would work out, what with some of the stuff I've seen while I was healing… No! Choose me! I didn't come all this way just to lose to him… Even though those two would probably get along better…_

0o0o0

Dagger thought it over, but no matter how she thought about it, she always came to the same conclusion. Three years ago, she would have chosen Zidane. But then he 'died'. So she now liked Kuja, but Zidane was back, and… It was giving her a headache.

"Um… Do I have to tell you now?" Dagger asked. Kuja shook his head.

"No, of course not, take as long as you need! I'm sure-"

"Choose him," Zidane interrupted. Dagger stared at her long-time friend in amazement. Kuja gave Zidane a dirty look.

"Pardon?" Dagger asked. Zidane sighed.

"Look, while I was healing… I lied. It wasn't all the song. Part of it was that Garland's… soul? Is that what's left of him? Anyway, he came, and spoke with me and whatnot, and I've been thinking, and… I need to speak with the genomes. I've got to sort some stuff out. And I really don't think I could concentrate on anything else at the moment." Zidane felt… better. Yes, better. He didn't have to worry about anything but what he'd spoken to Garland about… He didn't have to worry about what Dagger would say…

"Are… Are you sure?" Dagger asked." Zidane nodded.

"Yeah. I dunno, Dagger… I've sort of grown up recently. Maybe another time, 'k?" Zidane then turned and walked off, thinking,

_I hope I did the right thing…_

0o0o0

"Um… Right. Kuja?"

"Hmm?"

"Now what?"

"I don't know. We could go watch the rest of the show?"

"Ok."

"…"

"Kuja?"

"Yes?"

"Do you… Do you, er, _agree_ with what Zidane said?" Kuja thought about for a moment.

"Well… Of course I do! If he doesn't want you, then I have no choice but to do the smart thing and steal you for myself!" Dagger giggled. "Shall we return to the audience?"

If Zidane didn't want her… Zidane's loss was Kuja's gain.


End file.
